Scars are souvenirs you never lose...

Happy Hump Day!

The second half of last week and the weekend kept me busy, so by Monday morning, I was spent. It all finally caught up to me, and I had to use Monday and Tuesday to decompress and recover.

For as long as I can remember, my mom always told me I was president of The Zipper Club. The Zipper Club is an elite group of individuals and the initiation is harder than anything the boys of SAMCRO have had to endure. To become a member, one must have had open-heart surgery, and proudly sport a scar running down the entire length of his or her sternum.

Yes, I really did just make a Sons of Anarchy reference. Don't judge me, I am laughing my ass off. FYI, Gemma Teller-Morrow is a member of The Zipper Club.



I digress.


I don't remember a time in my life when I wasn't in The Zipper Club. I've never looked in the mirror and not seen a giant scar going down the middle of my chest. Maybe it's harder to come to terms with it if you can actually remember a pre-scar time of your life, but I don't know any different.

Pre-Zipper Club Marla. I wasn't a year old yet (someone get this kid some lasix), and this is the only picture I have of myself without my scar. It's actually weird to NOT see it there! You can't see it, but there's a big scar going from the middle of my back to around my right axilla and to my nipple. That was from my first heart surgery, a BT shunt.






I remember when I was little asking people "wanna see my zipper?" and lifting up my shirt before they could even give me an answer. I once lifted up my dress for the entire congregation at synagogue, apparently, I felt the need to show everyone I was the bravest gal in temple. Luckily, I broke that habit before the age of 6, unless you count getting beads on Mardi Gras celebrations in college... bahahahah!



There was a short time during puberty when I despised my scars; I hated everything about them and what they represented. I was not a cool kid, was picked on quite often (cue the ABC After School Special music), and to me they were something that set me apart from everyone else. At 12, the last thing you want to be is different. I was already scrawny and awkward, very young for my age, and I felt the scars added more fuel to the fire.

Twenty years later, I'm still that scrawny, awkward kid, I've just learned how to own it like a boss. Somewhere along the road to adulthood, it dawned on me exactly what I've been through. There was so much that I wasn't allowed to do, so much medicine, so many procedures and tests, that it was easier to focus on my limits rather than my beating some serious odds.

I think of these scars as battle wounds, symbols of what I overcame. Each one tells the story of a heroine (I've always wanted to be a heroine!) who fought to keep going when her little heart relentlessly tried to fail.

It took me a long time to get comfortable in this marked up skin of mine, and while I don't go lifting up my shirt to show off my scars these days, I am more than happy to tell anyone who asks just how they got there.

That's right, 4 heart surgeries, bitches.

For anyone reading who may not be ready to show off those scars, just think about it. You're not alone in feeling self conscious. Embrace them. Show those bad boys off! (just don't pull a Britney Spears or get in trouble for indecent exposure!) Everyone has a story, you just have an awesome way to tell yours.